god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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