I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
