did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
