well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
