Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
