I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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