I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
