allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
