I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
