I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
please don't ironically join a cult
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