When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
