Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
