I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
