his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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