This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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