this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
