Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
