i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
