careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
