I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
