If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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