Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
