its not stalking. its research.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
