If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
FUCK WHALES
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