Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
