were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
