Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
