Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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