Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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