We're facebook friends in real life
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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