Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
