i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
