the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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