So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
