My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
