I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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