You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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