could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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