I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
