WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
