forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
