so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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