Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
