She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
