dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
