You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
