sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
