Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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