man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
