i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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